learning, slowly about loss

It has taken me a few years to learn that I cannot love and help a person past mental illness. The gap is huge. I can help her seek counseling but I cannot abandon her.So I have lost my BFF and roomie
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Phuong:
The feelings of intimacy overwhelm me as I squirm and breath fast as my imaginary boyfriend babies me.
(30 May 2019)

Phuong:
I'm a virgin BTW but I just feel so content laying there as I feel intimate with my imaginary boyfriend when he comes to give imaginary kisses.
(30 May 2019)

Tori:
How do you know how to kiss for the first time?
(30 May 2019)

Annette:
Should I stop seeing a guy if he says he is not looking for a relationship now?
(30 May 2019)

Annette:
Maybe he will change his mind later?
(30 May 2019)

Annette:
However I may be OK with hanging out without being in a relationship because I have a lot going on in my life right now.
(30 May 2019)

Annette:
It makes me want to back off and not be affectionate.
(30 May 2019)

Annette:
I actually respected him saying that because nowadays people are not upfront and do lead others on.
(30 May 2019)

Annette:
But this guy was really affectionate toward me and kissing me, and one night I texted him, and he responded in that morning that one thing is that he doesn't want to lead me on, because he is not looking for a relationship now, but he is down to hang.
(30 May 2019)

Annette:
This has happened with literally any guy where the feelings come in, they just say they are not looking for a relationship.
(30 May 2019)